The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single

NEW WEBSITE!

2010-02-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

Follow me over to my new site: www.AdventuresofaSingleGirl.com

That's where my posts will be from now on..Hope to see you over there! :)

The Mexican Guido

2010-01-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

I don't date guys prettier than me...period. If you know what a "Guido" is, I have just learned, they don't just come in Italian....they come in MEXICAN TOO!

I got a match.com email from a guy who had one picture. It was so far away, I couldn't tell what he looked like. We had exchanged a few emails, so I told him to just send me a few more pics.

When I got his pictures, he also accompanied it with this:

"It's kind of a busy time for me because I'm opening up a new love coaching business here in town. My first event is on Feb. 13th and I'm hosting a Masquerade Ball for the hottest singles in town. Should be a lot of fun and a great way to get my name out there. I'm pretty excited. :) Then after that I'm headed to Vancouver for the Olympics. So that should be a blast making new friends from around the world as well! "

I saw his pictures and the first one he sent was of him "flexing" in the mirror. You know, that cheesy camera phone shot. What.the.fuck. I'm shaking my head as I proceed to the other two. Another in the mirror camera shot. This time he's pointing at himself. Kind of like The Uncle Sam "I want you" photo...except, no, wrong, I did not want him...at all. Especially when I got a close up shot of his hair. That thing, must take, at least a gallon Tres Flores or Aqua Net. Bad call dude.....oh and get this, he's got streaks, like highlights in his hair. This dude is high maintenance, and I'm not about to start dating a guy who is going to be asking ME to drive him like Miss Daisy to the hair salon on Saturday. I was afraid to look further.....

Another pic...of him with Chuck E. Cheese. Wow, not even smiling there! Dude, YOU ARE AT FUCKING CHUCK E. CHEESE! Who tries to look hardcore at a place like that!?

I was waiting for him to send me some photos of him fist pumpin to some house music.

I normally wouldn't have responded with anything but the guy is going to be charging people for dating advice!!

Also, his email had his name as "False" as in, I got the impression he was sending it from some fake account. Real slick dude.

So this is what I responded with....consider it a public service:

Thanks for the email. Ok, so you are opening up a love coaching business? How did you fall into that? Just curious.

I would like to tell you...I know it's not for me to say anything and I would like to say up front, I am in no way trying to offend you-

I am by no means a dating expert but I can I tell you, I talk to A LOT of women, and the pics you sent me seem like you are a little into yourself. Most women don't appreciate the whole "flexing" pose or pictures where it's just too cool to smile. It goes right along with the guys who pose next to their car etc.

I like a humble down to Earth kind of guy who smiles in his pictures and unfortunately from your pictures, it doesn't look like you are.

I just thought you should know because you are going to start a love coaching biz and since online dating is such a big part of dating period now a days, pictures speak volumes. Your clients are going to attract certain women just by the pictures they post.

Like the girls who post EVERY single picture of themselves at the club, they attract guys who like club rats. I am not that girl, don't care what car you drive or how many days you are the gym. It's so easy to work on the outside. I appreciate a nice body but that alone wont even get you to date number one with me.

Oh and the fake email account, you might want to change your name to something other than "false" as I can clearly see that it's not your real account. That probably won't go down well, with most other women either.
Take care and lay off the hair gel.

Chapter 13. Everything in New York Isn't Always What It Seems....

2010-01-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

Chapter 13

"Now you’re in NEW YORK, concrete jungle where walls are made of, there’s nothing you WILL do.Cause you're in New Yoooork, you'll be wondering why you flew, he won't even be into youuuuu"

I've said this before, I am a risk taker, in every sense of the word. I believe that even when it comes to dating. The greater the risk the greater the reward can be. That being said, there is always a chance that you take a risk and there is no reward.

That seemed to be the case with a 2^nd date I went on. I flew to the East Coast for this. New York.

Date number 1 went as well and as successful as I think a first date should go: Great dinner, great conversation, and romantic. What a nice feeling. He was in California visiting for work and we met up. I felt a connection with him which was a nice change from what I had experienced on other 1st dates.

…..6 months later. (why 6 months? Where’s the inbetween? Well read on)

I'm not sure if they have cell service in New York because I didn’t hear much from him after our first date. He’s a busy guy and travels all the time for work; literally all the time for work. I get that. Communication was sparse, which began to be quite off putting. I was getting over it very fast, though I couldn’t forget that when we went out, there was something there…something I don’t feel on every date. I held on to that feeling, and went with that when 6 months after our first date he said he would be home a while, and I should go out to visit him for the New Year. Boy, did that sound nice...I had a gut feeling though. A feeling telling me, he hadn’t made the effort to keep in touch with me much before, so how could he be interested.

He’s busy though-yeah, but even the President himself is not as busy as this guy claimed to be. So he’s not that interested?…Well maybe he is because he wants me to go out there.

So I go. I didn’t know what to expect. Not like he had been pining away for me for 6 months, the guy hardly even texted me. I was honestly surprised he wanted me to go see him…still holding on to that feeling though…NO WAY would he fly me out all the way from California to spend time with him right?..and the NEW YEAR at that! Oh yeah, he’s interested..has to be. I mean, it’s me- and I’m great. He’s a smart guy, I have no worries.

I arrive….

He has a car waiting for me to be picked up…random, usually someone picks you up from the airport, not some stranger with your name on a sign but whatever, I take it this is how New Yorkers roll, so I go. I get in the car. The driver “Muhktar” tells me what a great city I’m in and I’m in for a great time. You’re telling me! I’m going to see a handsome, charming, and witty guy in one of the most fun cities ever. Oh yeah, this trip is going to be blast. Albeit, short, but a blast. Muhktar and I quickly made friends. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was smiling from ear to ear because I’m in the city…a REAL city. I could have people watched all day. My cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much on the drive. He had stories to tell me about everything while on my ride to this guy's place.

As I’m on my way there, my guy texted me saying he had gotten little sleep, was extremely exhausted and I need to cut him some slack.

Well ok, I just flew across the country and MY vacation was just starting. I’m ready to see some sights! I was hoping he would wake up by the time I got there.

I texted him back saying if he wanted to sleep I could go hang out somewhere. He said no worries.

I thought if he wasn’t ready for me, I could go hang out somewhere and make friends. Again, he said no worries though.

I get there. I was happy to see him, he seemed happy to see me. We went to dinner and I enjoyed that and some small talk. Ok, great start to my vacation so far. We were actually one of those gross couples in the restaurant, not making out, but affectionate. I didn’t care. My time with him was limited. I was going to do what I wanted…take that onlookers!

Great dinner and good drinks. Ok, he seems interested. Can only get better from here??

After dinner we just went back to his place. We talked a while. Well he talked. There was a lot of talk but not much conversation if that makes sense…

After a few hours I started to get the feeling that ok, he’s not interested in getting to know anything about me..odd, this isn’t how our first date went…

There was chemistry there physically so that would soon overcome my feeling of his lack of interest in me intellectually, emotionally, or anything else.

New Years Eve morning, I woke up and got ready while he slept. He was hosting a dinner party for friends that night so I thought we would have some time to go explore the city a little, as his friends weren’t coming till around 8.

He wakes up at 1 pm and says “you're all dressed and ready to go?” I was ready but by the looks of things, he sure wasn’t. He said “I’m going to go back to sleep” He didn’t get up till 3:45. Guess we aren’t doing anything today. I tried to be sympathetic as he has problems sleeping. His job has him on this odd schedule. So I just kept my mouth shut and told him if he needed to rest, he should.

Ok, before flying out there, I did say “if we never leave your place that would be fine” Not thinking he would take that literally but even so, thought he would at least be up watching TV with me, keeping me company, cuddling, something… not sleeping.

We had just enough time to go run errands, grocery shop, come back, and get ready for his dinner party that night. He was doing all of the cooking so he would need plenty of time to do that before then.

It’s around 6 by this time and I was bored…so I said “can I have a drink?” He says “Wow, didn’t know you were such an alcoholic”

Really??!!! Is that the pot smoker calling the kettle black? (yeah he smokes weed) Give me a break dude. I said: “I’m on vacation” and well, it wasn’t like we were going anywhere any way. –SO BRING ON THE DRINKS!

His friends show up; great people. We are conversing, drinking, laughing, just having a nice time. We all were at this point. Great food; oh yeah the guy can cook, like it’s his job-wow, sooo good, great atmosphere. I’m happy now because well, everyone is engaging with each other. I was getting to know his friends, what they did for a living, how they knew my guy, and I was telling them about myself. I even told them about my blog.

They would comment once in a while about how he would go into the other room to get on the internet instead of being with us…one of his friends said “you should make sure to right about THAT! He should be in here with you…not looking up stuff online” I just laughed because I didn’t care….I had already gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in me romantically and besides, I had them to talk to. I was interested in getting to know them and them, me so I didn’t mind, though I did notice. His friends loved him to pieces though; not one bad thing to say about him as a person other than jokes and friendly jabs.

After ringing in the New Year, we head to a bar and met some of his friends there too. Again, no one had one bad thing to say. In fact, praise all around. Encouraging me in fact, “he’s such a nice guy, not a ladies man at all, so super sweet” "What I'm sorry, so super sleepy?" "No, sweet, sweeeeeet" "Oh, oh I see"

I’m having a great time…there are people! I got a nice little taste of his city and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I guess it was nice for him too because he didn’t have to babysit me…I'm pretty good at making friends on my own. The time at the bar was short lived. Bar shut down shortly after we got there. We go home and I went to bed… alone… at around 6 in the morning. I think he stayed up on the internet.

The next day or later that day rather, his cousin invited us to brunch.

On our 35 minute drive; not much conversation….oh well. Once we get to brunch, I met his cousin, his cousin’s wife, and their two adorable kids. We sat at the table and it wasn’t long before I was conversing with everyone and I felt pretty comfortable. The cousins invite us to their home. We must have spent at least 4 hours there. My guy, myself, and his cousins were just talking, and it was fun. They were amazing people. I was a little sad to leave. I wish I could have packed them in my suitcase and brought them back to San Diego. I gave them big hugs when I left.

We get in the car and silence again on the way home. At this point, I was just used to it.

When we get back we actually spent a little time together and he told me he had gotten a text from his cousin saying how great, funny, smart, and pretty I was. So nice I thought…so why didn’t he see that?

I had such an easy time with everyone …and I mean everyone I met while on this trip. We would talk, laugh, talk more, and it was all so easy…just natural conversation, so why not with him?

I was sad to figure that his cousins and friends knew more about me in one day than he even bothered to get to know in four.

Maybe he feels like he’s always “on” for people, always having to entertain, and with me, he didn’t have to do all that…..I don’t know, may never know as we didn’t communicate much.

Disappointed, my time there was now running out…and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

In the morning, I got up, got ready, we hugged like buddies and I left.

He asked for me to text when I got home. I did, did NOT hear back from him at all. Not that I expected to.

I don’t get it really. Why I ignored my instincts, why I refused to believe he wasn’t interested, long before I went over there. Why do we do this? Why do we try anyway? Maybe because we are hopeful, and we never really know the outcome, and are hoping for the best, guess that's all we can do anyway.

The whole time I was there I felt like more of a bother than anything. He had this energy about him this time and I just felt like I was in his way. He seemed frustrated most of the time I was there.

At one point on New Years Eve, I had actually looked up flights to leave one day earlier than I was supposed to. That’s how much I felt like I was bothering him. There was even a point where I got hungry but hesitated to ask him if I could order some take out…or something! Usually when you have guests you make sure they aren’t going hungry right?? It all left me wondering if he was just counting down to the moment I left.

But why introduce me to your friends and family? Well, I also figured that some guys just don’t think that’s a big deal. It’s fine. So he thought I was just a girl, where he thought just by me going there was enough. No need to woo me at all I guess.

Mother fucker, fuck you, shut the fuck up. All in my vocabulary, but please don't address me with them ever. He never said them in a rude way, I'm just not comfortable with those words towards me though. You can say them to other people...just not at me. Again, maybe how New Yorkers talk? Not something I want to get used to, and yet another sign he wasn't romantically interested.

I was torn for a bit because though he didn’t really want much to do with me on an intellectual level, there were some undeniable tender moments, moments where he was vulnerable and I enjoyed that, and to be that comfortable around someone is hard to find. In fact, to find someone to be able to just “be” with is hard to find….

I didn’t need much, but maybe if he would have been interested in getting to know me, or maybe just actually being with me instead of sleeping, or being pre-occupied with whatever else he had going on…that would have been enough.

I mean, when his friends came over, and while at his cousins, I didn’t need to be anywhere else….

I didn’t go out there expecting to create a relationship, but I thought we could at least continue on the connection I was thinking was still there. I didn’t think he would make it so abundantly clear that he wasn't trying to get attached, and make it so clear that he didn't want a relationship either.

Once I got the impression he wasn’t trying at all, I stopped trying too. I gave up pretty much talking all together. I would say random things here and there which I am sure made me look like an idiot. Complete silence then: “Look at the pretty snow!”…silence. "Wow, really?" he must have thought. Well at least she can help me clean and grocery shop…good little Mexican.

I could have brought it up to him. I could have asked him about why he wasn’t really trying to get to know me. I could have asked a million things. But why, when it’s that clear that he’s not romantically interested?

Maybe he’s jaded by women, and he feels at this point no matter how little he tries the women will come around anyway (As I’m sure they do) So he doesn’t have to try. As he gets further in his career the adoration from all around increases as well, and well, there are tons of beautiful women out there.

For a little while, I even forgot about what he did for a living, I cared only to get to know him as a person, maybe that that's not what he was looking for though.He could be in a place where he enjoys the attention from random women, as he makes his way up the career ladder...Just hope he remembers it can get lonely at the top.

I could sit and analyze this thing forever but I have too much to offer,and my time is too precious to worry about why he didn't like me so in my best New York accent: "It's not my prwablem"

Are You Into Fitness?

2009-11-24T14:18:00.000-08:00

I have heard back from many men after the last post. I understand that it may be hard to address their women and the fact that they aren't giving them head or aren't doing it enough...

I can make this part pretty simple for you.

Just ask her: "Are you into fitness?" (The answer is either yes or no. Either response will work for this)

She says, yes or no. Then you say: "Then how bout fit n dis dick in yer mouth?"

Heyohhhhh! If that doesn't work...I don't know what will!

Downtown..Things Will Be Great When You're Downtown"

2009-11-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

Sex in my opinion is an extremely important part of a relationship…if not THE most important thing. That includes GOING DOWN.

In fact, it should be first date conversation: “How many brothers and sisters, do you have? Do you go down? You don’t? Ok, nice meeting you.” That’s right….if you don’t go down, that is cause for dismissal before even being hired! Why even date someone who doesn’t? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

I am focusing on women in this post because my girlfriend and I had a conversation over lunch and could not believe we have actually encountered women that don’t do this, or even like doing it! Also, I have found the specific words to come from the mouths of some women to be “It’s gross” (Disclaimer: I am not a fan of these women).

I don’t think I have ever met a guy who thinks it’s gross…. Oh wait, my gay friends.

How is it gross? What are we 12? As far as I’m concerned if you are an adult, it shouldn’t gross you out. It’s not nasty. It’s hot. And if you think otherwise, you should probably get that checked out…

I have heard stories…and it saddens me. “My girlfriend/wife doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s gross.” My response to a married friend of mine was “and you actually MARRIED this woman?” You should know well in advance if she’s going to perform oral sex on you…before she’s even your girlfriend you should get the answer to that one. It’s best to get it out of the way and ask up front…why even wait to see? I mean when you buy a car, do you ask about the features AFTER you buy?

I don’t like selfish women. I have a problem with being friends with women like this, why? Because I feel like women have come so far in trying to be independent and having the upper hand in business and in our personal lives. You should have your business in line and in check and, your man pleased so he does not care to wander. Just cover all of your bases.

Now if you are asking….Why should you do this for your man? Because it feels good to him! You want him to feel good don’t you? You like receiving it don’t you? But you don’t like to give it? You suck….but not literally I guess. Something’s wrong with you. Oh wait, you don’t care if you get it either? Something’s still wrong with you.

I mean, tis better to give than receive right?

Ladies, you should enjoy going down on your man. If anything, it should turn you on, that it turns him on. I don’t know of a guy that doesn’t like getting head. If he acts like doesn’t like it or care for it…bottom line…it’s because you’re doing it wrong!

If you aren’t good at it…take a class, ask a girlfriend…ask your man how he likes it and then as the saying goes “ Practice makes Perfect” The effort alone I assure you will be appreciated.

One thing I can’t stand is a selfish person. Don’t be that guy or girl that expects to get it but not give it.

Sex, oral included, should be fun…and of course most importantly….PLEASURABLE! I know we think guys can be super simple and just intercourse alone should be good for them, but guys LOOOOVE head…they just do. So just give it to them because 9 out of 10 times, he’s more than happy to give it to you!

I have heard of Women thinking he will lose respect for her if she gets too freaky….

I read this article and paid particular attention to Myth #5 The “Madonna Whore” portion http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/671330. A guy (that is not gay) is going to want you to explore that sexy, hot side of the relationship and doesn’t want you to be afraid. Trust that he wants you to be sexual and freaky in bed with him.

It is not wrong, gross, or otherwise. Oral sex is just as important as intercourse. Your excuses of not wanting to do it, get tiring and you don’t want your man going elsewhere for it..do you?

Ladies, get right on this if you aren’t already…or just…get left.

This gets me thinking of the Dr. Seuss rhyme to get it through your heads…to give head to get ahead…in your relationship.

You may start as the skeptical “Sam I am” but with some time and practice….

You will be saying….

"I do! I do like giving head. I do like it in my bed, I do like it by the shed, I do like it in my house. I do like it on the couch, I do like it with my spouse. I do like it in my car. I do like it near or far, I do like it here, or there, I do like giving head anywhere.…."

Even if you think it’s a “job” and tedious, tiring, and gross. DO IT anyway. Keep doing it…until you like it.

Try it, try it in a tree, try it, try it and you will see….

That’s not Dr. Seuss kids….that’s Dr. SeDuss. Enjoy his “green eggs and ham” just remember it’s your job to make sure his “eggs” don’t turn blue.

Too Much Too Soon?

2009-11-16T16:38:00.000-08:00

When it comes to honesty, is there a such thing as too much too soon? The 25 yr old and I went out on ONE date and he has not stopped going on and on about how much he's intrigued and likes me but....not enough to wait I guess.

He confessed to sleeping with someone yesterday. We aren't together, he didn't owe me any kind of explanation, confession...again, we went out ONCE.

Is this just him showing his age because he was like a little horny dog that couldn't invest time with me and wait to see if it would lead to intimacy? Or did he do the right thing by doing more than most Men would by coming clean though we are not a couple at all? I don't know...I can't help but be turned off by his actions though I do respect his honesty. Where does one go from here? Wondering if I have something special here or if this is a douche bag for the books...my normal "I don't put up with SHIT" feeling is telling me....he can't keep it in his pants.

Honest Abe

2009-11-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

I just got back on Match.com. If for nothing else, thought it would provide with more writing material. Well, Match does NOT disappoint. I haven't even gone on a date yet and I already have some writing material.

A while ago....long while ago..I'm talking maybe 3 years ago. I went on a date with someone from match. We had a drink or two, a few laughs; nothing more. We talked after the date but his schedule was so busy we never had the chance to meet up again. No big deal, no major sparks, so no loss.

I never thought about that guy again. In fact completely forgot about our date.

I get back on match, just recently, and so was he. He decided to say hi:

"Round 2 huh LoLo? Just wanted to say hi"

I responded with: "Round 2? More like round, 3,4 and 5 lol"

He responded with this: "Can I take you out for a drink again?"

I had to think, we went out on a date? It was so long ago I didn't remember and well, the date must have not been that good because it didn't stick out in my mind to remember either.

So I responded with this:

"Again? We went out for a drink? Wait, I vaguely remember that... so that can't be good. And the fact that it's been THAT long before you asked me out again....can't be a good thing either."

I had to really think, did I go out with him already? I remember laughing a lot. Come to think of it though, I'm always laughing. So wait a minute, am I the only one having a great time on these dates? Have I learned to entertain myself so well that I'm not concerned if they are having fun or not?

I digress...

I didn't know if he would respond. He did.

THIS was his response, word for word:

"I understand and you're totally justified - let me splain. You see this is my round 2, I dated a girl I met off of here shortly after we went on our date - for over a year and a half, and then even though she was on the pill I somehow managed to get her pregnant. I didn't want to have any more kids and she did so things got really messed up when I asked her to get an A-word. Eventually I wore her down and she went through with the procedure but we ended the relationship a couple of months after...It was brutal!

Tres Mujeres stuff huh?

You're gorgeous and smart and you seemed really driven, but you seemed a little detatched and aloof during our date - and that's cool cause that's how I am and despite all that I had a good time because you're like the female version of me. Cirumstances just led me in a different direction that's all. "

I didn't know what to say. I didn't respond. Don't plan to. On to the next....

Wow. I can't imagine being that girl. How awful to have to deal with a guy like that. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a tone like "can you believe this chick wanted to have children! The nerve!"

He was honest...a little too honest but I am grateful that he was. I can respect that he was, but from that email I know he's not for me. I am all for having fun, but what if it did go into a long relationship and I ended up being that girl. That would put me in therapy for sure. To have a man tell you "I don't want this baby, though you do, get rid of it" would be beyond traumatizing.

I'm just glad that wasn't me. I don't know what kind of parent I will be. I do want kids though. I will start with one...keep the receipt in case it doesn't work out lol...and go from there. Unless I am not meant to have children, no one other than Mother Nature herself will tell me I will not have kids.

If you are man enough to stick your dick in a girl...be man enough to deal with the responsibilities. The next time you have sex with someone unprotected....think "Do I want children with this person?"

I am not against abortion. I do however, have a problem with people who use abortion as birth control. Grow the fuck up and "wrap it BEFORE you tap it" Ladies, think about who you are lying down with. Sex IS a big deal and sometimes, shit happens. Is that person going to stick by your decision, should something happen? Or "wear you down" to do what they want?

Chapter 12 "Good Cop Bad Date. Assault with a deadly tongue..ouch!"

2009-09-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

Chapter 12

“Step back from the girl and put the tongue away!” A kiss should not be with a stabbing tongue!

That’s the only thing I thought after this boy kissed me. Why did my friend try and set me up…. again?

I get a text from my girlfriend:

Her: “Hey girl, seeing anyone? I got this great guy for you”

Me: “I don’t think so girl, we’ve tried this once before remember?”

Her: “I know but I swear, he’s cute and nice and funny, and he’s a cop”

I was hesitant at first because no offense to those in uniform, but they tend to have major egos. My brother-in-law is a prime example of that. He’s a firefighter and there are literally a dozen pictures at my sisters house of him in action…in the living room alone.

Me: “Hmm, sounds like an ego”

Her: “No girl, I swear he’s super nice”

Me : “ok I guess”

What’s the harm in it….right?

The back story to this is that this friend of mine has tried to hook me up before….long story short, the guy cut his hair for me because she told him I wasn’t interested in him because he had long hair…she failed to mention to him that I just wasn’t interested in him as a whole.

One evening while I’m at dinner with her and her husband, he walks in. She had invited him to join us which I was not aware of. So in walks this guy with now…short hair.

I asked him why he cut it and he said, “Because she said you didn’t like long hair”…Poor guy. I hated to have to explain the reality of things but she was the one who told him his hair was the problem and I had to straighten it all out now.

Back to this disaster….

She gives him my number. We set up the date.

This could have given me an indication that he was too needy. Before we went out on date 1, he text the following: “I’m excited for tonight”

Me: “Yeah, me too, should be fun!

Him: “Awww I think you meant “It WILL be right?:(”

(Ok yeah whatever you say dude, will be)

He seemed a bit insecure…he called several times before the date to make sure I was ok with the location, and the time…and the location, and the time…and the (well you get the picture) my responses of “that sounds perfect” were not good enough I guess?

So he comes to pick me up….and I immediately realize, I’m not physically attracted to this guy. Oh well, fuck it, I’m going to be with him for several hours so I’m just going to get to know him a bit and enjoy the evening.

One thing to know about me…I am never rude on a date. I will, no doubt, have a great time, unless you are a complete dick. I know how to laugh, how to make people laugh and how to engage in conversation. So, yes it’s safe to say date #1 will always go well unless again, the aforementioned happens. I find people and their stories interesting so it’s not too difficult for me to have a good time. As well as the fact that those that know me well, know I often make myself laugh so I’m usually smiling and laughing no matter where I am or who I am with.

I can see how it would look like I’m attracted to them when in fact I’m not.

There is in fact a difference though in how I act when I do like someone. When I like them, I am touchy with them…and flirty with them. Not overtly so but there is a difference.

Ok, so we are laughing and talking. He took me to have drinks at Altitude which is a great spot for an incredible view of San Diego. Then dinner in Coronado on the Water which he says he took me to because he was listening to me during conversation and remembered that I enjoy outdoor dining and just anything near the water.

Looking back on this date, it’s funny now, that I say he was “listening” to me because the way the rest of this thing played out, it’s like he never listened at all.

So he brings me home from date #1. I had fun, but was still not attracted. He insisted on walking me to my door. I felt it coming, I knew he was going to kiss me and I didn’t want him to.

He was a nice guy and as I have said before looks aren’t everything but as I have referenced in other blogs, one thing I can’t physically get past is…teeth. Just remember my motto: “White is right,” “Yellow will not bring a kiss to a fellow”

His teeth were bad. Guys it’s not hard, get some white strips..make em shine!

As I walk in my door he goes in for the kiss. I didn’t want it but for a second thought, maybe the kiss will put me past my lack of attraction towards him....

Well, not so much.

He stabbed and jabbed with that tongue…like he was trying to subdue a fleeing suspect. I pulled away immediately! Whoa, isn’t the motto “To Protect and Serve not “To Penetrate and Sever” Jeez, for fucks sake!! I quickly said “okiiie dokiiiie, goodnight”

He had a few drinks so out of friendly concern told him to text me when he got home so I know he was home safe. The phone rang soon after. I figured he was calling to tell me he got home safely.

Instead, he proceeded to have a conversation with me about how much fun he had. Not a bad thing but it was close to 2 am and I wanted to get to bed.

Day after date #1, he called to ask me out again; called me several times that day in fact. He also text: “Had an amazing time last night, did you?”

Me: “Yeah I had a good time, thank you again so much for everything”

Him: “Awww you mean you had a great time right?:(”

I should have sensed I had another whiny cry baby biatch on my hands. But you always give the benefit of the doubt no? Or am I the only one?

I thought it might be a problem but he seemed nice so I thought maybe if I hung out with him again today, I would feel a spark…………………………………………………..

Nope, nothing. He even brought me a dozen beautiful red roses.

He took me to dinner in Little Italy. I was laughing and engaging with him still….Maybe we could at least have a friendship?

Not so much…he began making all these plans with me… Cop ride along (wow, fun I thought, maybe I can help him arrest some crack heads) But I had to remember that I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t want to lead him on. I thought maybe he would pick up on that but would still want to hang out. He invited me to a Padre Game and a Chargers Game that week. Right then, I thought ok, maybe this “he will be my friend” thing isn’t going to work. He clearly wanted more.

Dinner was over. I was ready to go home as I had to be at work early the next day so getting home by 8 pm sounded perfect to me. We walk out of the restaurant and I see a Silver Audi parked in front. Holy shit, it was my friend’s car. The girl who hooked me up with this guy was in Little Italy. She lived in the area but what are the chances of us running into her right then….

I kept trying to avoid my girlfriend and her conversation at all costs because she would ask a million and one questions and exclaim her disappoint in me for me not being interested and ruining her fantasy of her hubby and her having couples night with him and I and doing cheesy things like playing card games and shit. Whatevs. There are a ton of Audis Downtown but she has a personalized license plate. Well lo and behold, it’s her car. My heart starts racing because now, now she’s going to think “It’s clearly working out! Hoooray!” Well I tried to walk fast but ran into her husband who was sitting outside at Princess Pub. Then she comes over. She was surprised and aside from her sheer excitement that we were together, we ended up all having a great time. We all laughed had a few drinks and my attempt to get home at 8 changed to closer to midnight. Time flies when you’re having fun.

As we are leaving he starts to apologize “I feel really bad, I’m sorry for keeping you out later than you wanted”

Me: “oh gosh no, I had so much fun. My cheeks are hurting from all the laughing”

2 minutes later: “I feel really bad, I hope you aren’t mad at me”

Me: “Not at all. Listen if I am having a bad time, I will be clear about it. I was having a great time. It was unexpected fun.”

He kept apologizing on the way to my house. I got it then…. This fool DOES NOT listen.

I am getting pissed now. Last time I checked I can take care of myself and would appreciate if you don’t baby me like you forced me to stay out later than I wanted.

I get home and he again insisted he walk me to the door. I didn’t want him to because I knew he was going to try and kiss me again. He had been drinking so again I said: “Text me when you get home so I know you’re cool”

We are at my door I walk in and stood far from him.

He wanted to kiss me and proceeds to gesture me towards him (as I am now standing about 5 feet from him) with literally the wave that cops do while directing traffic…and says: “Come here” I didn’t.

If I’m far from you, (and you are not smooth) doing a traffic directional cop wave “come here” will unfortunately not turn me on. He really did that…with both hands in fact! It looked like a sort of mix between traffic directing cop and a mob boss: Can you picture it? “Come ova heaaah” I was frightened and amused at the same time because now in a matter of seconds I had pictured him saying “come ova heeahh” just like that. I guess he didn't pick up that me standing far from him to begin with, was probably a good indication that I didn't want a kiss.

I usually love it when a guy kisses me and holds my face but as I clearly resisted, he ended up just smashing my cheeks together. At one point…I’m sure the look on my face was that a fish.

He came to me and tried to kiss me again. I kept my lips tight this time. Though he tried to stick that jabbing tongue in there, I kept my mouth closed. When he finally left I checked for stab wounds…nope all clear. Whew!

So I wash up and get ready for bed.

Not more than 30 minutes later my phone rings. Surprise, surprise, it’s him. I didn’t answer. I thought, he would just leave a message telling me he’s home safe.

He left a Voicemail:“Hey it’s me, give me a call when you get a chance”

(Ummm, I have to be at work in a few hours what would we have to discuss right now?)

*Now, there are 2 extremes: When a boy doesn’t call you or text, that’s of course bad. But when they are calling you 10 + times a day, that’s far worse. There’s a balance!*

12:07 text message: “Tried calling you, you didn’t answer :(” (I did not respond)

12:10 Another call.

12:14 Another text: “Hope you’re not mad at me for keeping you out too late” (he really didn’t hear me did he?)

12:28 Phone call. Another voicemail: “Hope you’re not mad at me”

1:15 Another text: “I hope you’re not made at me :(”(now I’m pissed because he’s woken me up and I have the new iphone so I didn’t know how to turn the ringer off without shutting my alarm off.)

1:20 Text: “You’re probably mad :(” (oh yeah, now I am!)

No texts after that…..I finally drift off back to sleep

6:50 am (I’m barely walking into work.) “Hope you’re not too tired:(”

7:01 am No response from me yet, but I got a call from him. I didn’t answer

8:10 Text: “How’s your day? Can you talk, hope you’re not mad at me”

8:10 Me: “I’m fine, and I kept telling you I was fine. I’m not mad”

8:11 Text from him: “Whew, I was worried”

He proceeds to text me several more times throughout the day with details of what he was up to. I didn’t respond.

I got off of work at 3pm. He calls me no joke at 3:15.

Leaves a voicemail: “Hope you’re day wasn’t too brutal. Call me when you can.”

I did not call him back.

I got a text from him. You busy? “Wanted to see if you would be up for catching a movie." (didn’t I just see you!?) two days in a row in fact.

Me: “Going to LA but thanks.”

I had to turn off my phone for a while because I thought he would call back…soon.

2 hours later, I turn it on to find a text from him “You aren’t answering but I wanted to tell you I bought you that CD from that band you like” (After I told him I already downloaded it)

It was nice of him but I didn’t respond. I needed a break from the torment of the ringing phone and my text alerts going off.

(oh and yes, he DID in fact put all of those sad faces, I have saved all the texts in case I am in need of a good laugh…or I need them for evidence)

“He’s creeping me out!” I thought…

I needed to put a stop to this…immediately!

I go to LA to see a friend and she gets terrible reception in her apartment. She had advised me to just text him and not wait until I spoke with him to get rid of him. As tacky as it was, she had said his needy behavior would probably come out over the phone call, and the fact that he didn’t listen to anything I said before, he would probably just argue with me. So texting was the best solution. It was best to do it quickly because the plans he was making were coming up fast.

So in a text I sent:
“I hate to do this over text, I know how tacky that is, but my girlfriend gets next to no reception in her apartment. I think you’re great but all of this is too much too soon and I don’t think I felt the connection you felt. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible because I know you had all of these plans in mind and I didn’t want to lead you on. Thank you so much for everything though. Take care”

I turned off my phone fearing he would call immediately with need to discuss my want for a divorce.

I drive back to San Diego and I turn my phone back on. I had 5 text messages from him:

“Too much too soon? I had a few things planned, that’s it.”

That wasn’t what I meant. His fucking overkill on the phone and text is what I meant.

Another text: “I get that you’re not interested. I understand”

Another text: “I thought you were interested, but I get it, sorry if I did anything wrong”

Another text: “I was just trying to show you a good time. I figured you had a lousy time the other night”

I wanted to respond and set him straight but I thought it best not too. It’s not typical of me but I got the feeling this guy wouldn’t let up.

He text me that night at 10pm. I was already sleeping. The next day while I was in the shower, he called. I go to check and he left a voicemail:

“Wanted to discuss your text. If you don’t call me back, this is the last phone call or text you will get from me.”

I guess he couldn’t wait for me to call back because right then, I got a text from him:
“I just tried calling you to discuss your text and where we are at but you didn’t answer. FYI-You are tacky and I am bummed about the whole thing. Good luck in life. You are a smart girl and I know you will succeed in whatever you do.”

Did he just contradict himself? Oh hell, whatever. I didn’t respond. I began to, then changed my mind…it would just never end, and I would then seem more tacky to him…and.....smart.

Haven’t heard back from him. Hope that’s all over with.

I met up with my girlfriend for lunch to tell her politely to stick to her day job. She agreed.

She then told me he called her to whine to her about how it didn’t work out with us…

Why he did this I don’t know…it’s like he was telling on me. He told her, he was too nice to me and should have been an asshole, then maybe I would have liked him.

Yeah dude, whatever makes you feel better.

*Don’t do that. Don’t involve others that way. Just do yourself a favor..MAN THE FUCK UP, stop crying and move on!”

Chapter 9 liiives....and is apparently JONESIN!!!

2009-08-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well as I always say, not to toot my own horn but honk honk beep beep!

They always want to come back...always :)

I got an email from boat guy (See Chapter 9) . He for some reason thought that the headline I had in my match.com profile was directed towards him...

I had recently changed my headline to state: "I'm a surfer, I love the beach" Yeah I get it, we live in SD, chances are..you SURF! Tell me something I don't know..seriously!"

He emails stating the following:

Subject: Hater!

At least you're quoting me ;)
You must have not thought it too lame since we dated for months. Did you want me to say I climbed mountains or something I didn't actually do? Jerk... I'm kidding.
I know you don't care to hear shit from me but I told you I was probably making a mistake and I believe I did. The compliment your Dad gave you is true, I too loved being around you. Would still love to be around you.
Take care pretty

In the last part of the email he is referring to a post I made on facebook some time back when my Dad gave me a compliment. It has been the sweetest compliment I have ever received from anyone.
He said: "Mija" (which for those of you who don't know is like saying "sweetheart" in Spanish) you have this amazing ability to make everyone just want to be around you"

Dad is a very sweet Man....boys should take notes! lol

Well as I read the email....I had to remember what happened. After I finished and posted Chapter 9, he tried to keep in touch with me and any attempt to hang out just got more awkward.... which led to one night him revealing this slue of issues he had..and that he "might still have feelings for his ex"considering I had already been over it since the incident on the boat, I was quick to tell him, "ok, you're done" and escorted him out of my house. As he was leaving, he said " I think I might be making a mistake, I dont know if I have feelings for her or not, I think you might be the better choice!" I take it he expected me to react the opposite of what I did and try to be more understanding. Instead I continued with "Good luck with that" He kept mumbling as I shoved him out of my front door.

He didn't think I was worth the wait, and then when he tried to stick around he then throws that at me; the thought that he "probably" made a mistake. Probably! wow, so I had to remind him of that with the following response to his email:

Re: Hater!
For the record, I wasn't quoting you...just about every guys profile on match says they are surfers...and my point is that it's not original...that's all.

Saying I don't want to hear shit from you is a little much but you are right, I remember you saying "I'm probably making a mistake" and you thought you might still have something for your ex. All of that on top of the incident with you going off on me for not sleeping with you... wow.
So you are emailing me now because it didn't work out with your ex? ...It all in reality just reminds me that you weren't sure what you wanted and I want to be with someone who is, has no question and will not pressure me to do anything I don't want to do. You did make a mistake, deal with it and move on.

Have not heard back from him. Think he got the point

How tacky. The story did not change, he thinks he believes that NOW he made a mistake, how convenient. In case it wasn't clear....I DON'T DO SECOND! I deserve to be first in someone's life.

Though they all want to come back....when they do, I'm already over it. So here's a tip: It would be in your best interest not to fuck it all up in the first place! lol

Moooooving on to bigger and better thaaaangs! :)

Miss Communication

2009-06-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

It is said that Women fall in love between their ears. I have, and I’m sure other Women have, girlfriends that (as we all can) get caught up when a Man begins communication with us via phone calls/texts/emails. What does that all mean? They are interested? Yes, but to what extent?

When Women say Men are complicated, it is simply put, that we often make them that way. We tend to draw our own conclusions on their behavior, and create these elaborate stories between ourselves and our girlfriends as to why they act the way they do. I’m not trying to give guys credit but they are far less complicated than we are. I don’t take that, (and ladies neither should you) as an insult. The fact that we are more “complicated” makes us far more interesting than men ;)

Here is the reality of things Ladies:

Men aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship when they call, text or email everyday. They are however, looking for companionship. Let’s not get the two confused. COMPANIONSHIP IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

Ok, so what does it all mean? It means friends, oh you mean boyfriend? No, FRIENDS. Many Women set themselves up for some serious disappointment when they think communication via phone email or text is going to lead them to a relationship.

The problem is what our minds do with simple conversation. It will go from a casual 5 minute conversation with a Man to a 3 hour long conversation with our girlfriends about that 5 minute conversation.

So guys, you call/text/email the following: “Hey there, just wanted to say hi! Have a good day”

Her thought process (and common mistake in translation): “He’s thinking of me! He misses me!”

(Real translation) you: “Just wanted to say hi” (pretty simple stuff)

Don’t over analyze a guys’ communication with you. When you meet someone it shouldn’t be looked at past that meeting. Unfortunately, sometimes when Women meet Men, we often upon first meeting, if we like them, even as conversation is flowing, are planning the wedding in our heads, and seeing what our future babies will look like when we should just be focusing on getting to know them as people.

What’s a good solution to this problem? My advice is to not put all of your eggs in one basket, until it has been discussed and is clear that you are both on the same page. It’s not fool proof but, it makes it more difficult to be disappointed when you have a few options. If we don’t focus on just one, we won’t get so obsessed in thought about what all that communication means.

“Why did he stop calling!?”

…..Yeah if a Guy stops calling we immediately begin obsessing over why.

Ladies, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it out! We may NEVER know! So why beat yourself up? If you have a few other options, your social calendar will be too full to have the time to sit and question that for long.

This comes down to the girls. Keep it casual, keep it fun until he proves he deserves your full time attention, then decide where you want to go from there.

I love being a girl…but I do feel bad for Men sometimes, when a month to a girl may seem enough time to establish a relationship, to a guy that may not be enough time to establish anything other than companionship; be it friends or friends with benefits but maybe not an actual relationship. So instead of trying to figure out if that's where it's heading just enjoy life! Having a few prospects always makes dating more interesting anyway and fun! Like one of my best girlfriends says, “Guys are like Lays Chips…you can’t have just one!!” True….true.. ;)

Again, it’s not fool proof but is a great way to avoid the “why isn’t he calling conversation” with your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to call, but know at the same time that they will because you are just that great! If he doesn’t or if he’s calling for companionship and you want a relationship, you will be too busy being too fucking fabulous and living your life to the fullest to worry about the guy who doesn’t realize how great you are. He should want to snag you and make sure you don’t want to focus on anyone else! If not, then say it with me girls “Not my problem!”

So remember, when meeting with a guy, focus on that time, on them as people, not as future husbands, not as future “Babies Daddies” but just as simple human beings looking for companionship.

Let them prove they are worthy of more than that. Until then, indulge in that greasy bag of chips girls ;)

"The Way You Look Tonight"

2009-05-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 10

“ The way you look tonight”….doesn’t matter because you’re like my homie….

Oh silly boys, the bane of my existence…

When are we going to get it right….if you want to get anywhere with a girl, treat her like a lady!

I met what seemed to be a nice guy and when he asks me to a movie for a first date, I agree because he seemed kind of shy. I didn’t want to be in any awkward situation and have to create constant conversation, so off to a movie we go.

If you have listened to anything I have had to say, you should know this but I will say this again….the way you treat, or don’t treat a lady on the first date will determine future dates or lack their of.

Before our movie we went to Starbucks for coffee, and when we stood in line, he kind of stood back, odd but I wanted coffee so I just bought it for the both of us. I’m obviously observant but I wasn’t going to rip his head off for not buying the coffee. I did however take note.

We go watch a movie which isn’t a good first date. Why? Because you can’t talk to each other. You are literally watching a movie with a stranger and you don’t leave there knowing them any better.

After the movie, he asked me to go to dinner. Because of the choice to go to a movie for a date, I figure this might be a good way to make up for that. We get there, and we actually begin a conversation (finally) and aside from the majority of his attention on the Lakers game, it wasn’t half bad even though I noticed he was a bit quiet and I did the majority of the talking. Looking back that’s probably why I started to have a good time, because I was making myself laugh. The bill comes and I just pull my money out because I get at this point that’s just what I should do as I did pay for the coffee and I paid for my ticket to the movie. He then says “umm, I can buy this time”

“Umm, this time?” Lucky me. I got the impression, that though he paid, he totally hesitated, and if I was going to go out with him again, I had better bring my wallet.

He called me a few days later and wanted to go out again. I figure, ok, he was a nice guy, although extremely quiet, maybe he just needed to relax a bit more, and this time he would do that, and I guessed he was asking me out again so he would like to, bottom line, treat a lady to dinner. I agreed to go. We were sitting at dinner and he is quiet…I’m the one asking all of the questions and his responses to those questions….short. I had time to daydream and thought “Where is the friendly witty banter?” I even made it more awkward just to make myself laugh by adding phrases like, “soooooo,” and “anywhoooo” . I mean really, who stole your joy? Why so glum chum?

After dinner, the bill comes….he wants to split the bill. Of course! Ok, fine we split dinner. He then says: “how about we go grab some ice cream?.” He has to buy me ice cream now right? WRONG! He picked his ice cream out and wouldn’t you guess, I pay for it….wow, dude, thanks for INVITING ME to dinner….if I would have known you were going to invite me out and not pay, and then torture me with utter silence I would have gone out alone instead and had a fabulous time.

Dessert was over about 8ish and he asked if I had time to go grab a drink. I did so I agreed, I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I know many of you might be wondering why I would continue to put myself through this but I have to spread the word about how to act and not act on a date so there are certain things I must endure….ALL IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH! He takes me to Anthology which he had been to already and so had I, which meant he knew it was a great date place (bonus points). I knew it cost to get in because they have concerts but he took me there anyway. When the guy at the door says “Hey guys it’s $18 a person tonight” …mind you, it was a live Salsa band which already sounded great…he tells the guy “$18?!! Oh nevermind” (bonus points subtracted) Did that just happen? If I was a guy, my pride alone would have paid the cover but, he chose otherwise and said “nevermind”…
I mean, I understand if it was too expensive, then don’t take me there in the first place, he was aware they charged, he had been there before..several times.

Well what can I say, my experiences at Anthology haven’t been that great I guess, the first time I go there, my date calls me by another name, and the second time, I get in the door and my date decides I’m not worth the cover charge. We walk out, and then he suggests the W Hotel. We go to the bar, and frankly, I had had it with this guy. I didn’t offer to split the drinks, or offer to pay, I ordered my drink and walked away.

He complained about how expensive they were, just about the whole time I was drinking my drink…he even mentioned possibly bringing a flask next time. I was thinking “next time, you are dead wrong Mr.” After that drink I was pretty much ready to go. Though he must have liked the drink because now he’s starting to converse with me….ok, I’m with “THAT GUY”, the guy that needs a drink to have a good time…wonderful, like I need the illusion of a good conversationalist. I just decided to indulge him a bit.

While he began creating conversation, albeit boring, but conversation nonetheless, I had a chance to dissect this date….on both dates, he hadn’t really treated me like we were on a date, and I was disappointed but then I thought wait!, if I had gone out with my girlfriends the way these two “dates” have gone, they would have gone exactly the same, we would split everything or I would get dinner and they would get next time etc….I then realized I didn’t have to be so disappointed! I was thinking cool, this guy just wants to be friends and that works for me. I was on my own date at that point anyway.
I decided I wanted another drink and I knew not to tell him that, I just got up and bought one for me and for him…although I did buy him the drink with cheap vodka and I bought myself the good stuff LOL….I wanted to have a good rest of my date…and it was up to me to do that, he sure wasn’t going to.

Well the drink starts to kick in….for him…he starts to get closer to me, puts his arm around me starts rubbing my shoulders and then I start thinking, “Well I don’t remember the last time Stacey did this???” Wait, this guy does just want to be friends right, friends don’t rub on me! He’s feeling good and even at one point during his moment of liquid courage he says: “I just can’t figure out why at 36, well almost 37 I’m still single?” I almost spit my drink out on that one.
Oh and the good times didn’t stop there…he then begins to sing to me, softly, in my ear…..
“SOME DAY WHEN YOU’RE AWFULLY LOW, I WILL FEEL A GLOW, JUST THINKING OF YOU, AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT”

Really? Now I’m annoyed because he really thinks he’s on a date…and he clearly wasn’t…..not the way he was treating me anyway.

So when he finished that line of the song I sang back to him with a verse of my own..softly in his ear as well:
“I guess it doesn’t matter how I look tonight, because you’re treating me like I’m one of your guy frieeeeends, and getting laid is not how this date will eeennnnndddd”

He didn’t like that. I did though. I went home quickly after that and haven’t gone out with him since.

After telling my girlfriend about this guy, she turns to me and says “Lori, these are tough economic times, maybe he’s on a budget?” Then he SHOULDN’T BE DATING!

*A few tips and reminders:
1.Guys: It is bad etiquette to take a lady on a date and tell her to pay for it or split the bill…don’t do it. DON’T DO IT.

2.Girls like guys with sense of humor, laugh it up! Laugh at life, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously and look excited about what you have in your life and who you have in your life…and of course be excited that you are with her! When you have a serious face all the time, the girl is going to think you aren’t interested in her.
So you’re eyes better light up and your grill better be flashin or she’s going to move on.

I will leave you all with this, picture me singing:
“Hope these tips serve you welllllllllllll or you will end up in dating hellllll”

Xoxo
-Lo

PUT OUT OR GET OUT! I'M JONESIN AND THIS IS GNARLY!

2009-05-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.

Disclaimer:

The following are based on true events, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! ;p

Chapter 9

Well folks it’s happened….

Now, I have heard of this happening, seen it in the movies but I have NEVER been dumped for holding out…until now

I met someone and he had been different than what I had been dating. As I got to know him, I was thinking wow, this is someone that really might change my mind about wanting to stay single. He was attractive…and actually AVAILABLE! No exes looming about, no emotional baggage, and I got the impression that there was nothing stopping him from being open to a possible relationship in the future. He had me actually thinking about being open to one as well.

He was romantic which I had been missing, and it felt amazing. I was excited. He loved animals too. In fact had dogs of his own that he got from a shelter. “This is what I’m talking about!” I thought.

I liked him but I wanted to take it easy as I have and had been recently dealing with boys, who had either been unavailable, rebounding, or seeing me as the “in the meantime” girl and I decided that I wanted to give myself emotionally and physically to someone that I felt a strong connection with. I knew that might take a while but I figured this guy, as much of a gentleman as he was, wouldn’t mind at all.

We had gone out a couple times and I had an amazing time with him. No pressure.

One night we had gone out, we had had a little too much to drink and I told him he shouldn’t drive home, he should stay….and sleep on my couch. He didn’t have a problem with it….

On the next date, he made me dinner. I was still trying to get to know him. I was busy and so was he, so there would be a week to 2 weeks in between seeing each other. It was fine with me, I wasn’t in any rush and we hadn’t had ANY discussion about our feelings or intentions. So I figured this was just a great time to get to know each other….FINALLY, a guy with patience! He even actually said “I have the patience of a monk”. Awesome!

Again, a little much to drink….I told him to just stay. I was getting ready to go to bed….alone and he stops me. “It’s getting harder to be around you and not sleep in your bed” Waiiiiit…. it was odd that he brought that up to me..didn’t he just say he had the patience of a monk? Maybe I heard Monk but he said “monk-ey?” He responded with “Is there an issue?” I responded with: “No issue, I just want us to really get to know each other first” He said: “Well I’m not really used to this, but hey, if it doesn’t feel right for you, that’s cool, and so you know, if it doesn’t feel right next time we are together don’t feel pressured.” I said ok but that whole conversation didn’t really sit right with me, I didn’t want to overanalyze though. He said he was fine to drive home so I sent him on his way as I didn’t want him to start dry humping my leg.

Turns out, I did hear wrong…way, way wrong….

The last time (and final) time we went out…. We went out for a nice dinner then on his boat where he brought his dogs too. What a perfect night. I was enjoying myself. It started to get late and he asked me, “Do you want to go home after your glass of wine, or?”

So I said “yeah that would be great if you can take me home after I finish this.”

Then he began on a rant that has stuck in my mind and is possibly the reason I am man hating currently

Here is a run down of our dialogue…and yes, this is pretty much how it went down.

Him: “ok, fine, but what is the issue Lori?”

Me: “What do you mean? There is no issue”

Him: (Stands up and is now yelling) “Well I mean c’mon, kissing on date 2 or 3 I understand but dates 5 and 6 kissing!? “Do you even like me?” (Oh brother, have I heard that one before! What a line!)

Completely taken back by his sudden change in behavior, I immediately headed towards the front of the boat and said, “ok I’m ready to go home right now!” He continued yelling at me about how I was missing out on life and that it’s just going to pass me by and how I can’t see what’s in front me. Really? Because right now, all I see is a horny 12 year old boy in front of me…this guy went from gentleman to jackass in 0.6 seconds. I actually had a chance to think: “Wow, yeah the way you are acting makes me want to rip my clothes right off!”

Me: “So let me get this straight, you’re mad because I’m not sleeping with you?”

Him: “I don’t think you understand how patient I have been, but I have needs just like everyone else Lori”.

I told him this whole thing was just turning me off, he responded by saying “Well the fact that we aren’t intimate is turning ME off!” (What a douche bag)

“I mean usually a girl makes me wait till date 2 or 3 not longer than that unless there is an issue!”. I yelled back and said “then go date those girls!” He then said, “I’m not mad because you aren’t sleeping with me.” At that point, he wasn’t making any sense and we just got in his car and I kept silent on the ride back to my car. He kept contradicting everything he was saying on the way. He said we should discuss this but I told him there was nothing to talk about, he then said “Ok don’t you put this off on me, this is your issue!” He kept talking as if something was wrong with me. I kept telling him, the night was perfect until now…(Until you started crying like a whiney bitch!) NOT ATTRACTIVE. As he kept going on and on, I thought about just sitting on his face to get him to shut up. I was counting down the seconds till we arrived at my car.

This is what I was trying to avoid. I have been that girl, if I don’t like you, I might just decide to take what I want and not talk to you afterwards….YEAH I SAID IT! And then when you call, because you WILL call again, I won’t answer, and you will wonder what happened and cry and I will go on about my happy life. Hey guys do it, why can’t we?

So I wanted this to be different, it seemed like we had quite a bit in common and had such a great time when we were out together so why not invest some actual time and get to know him as a person. I was quite the lady so I held my tongue but I was thinking “Why did you have to go and open your fucking mouth? Now you’ve gone and ruined everything! Which sucks for you because now you’ve ruined any chance of finding out what it’s like to be with me….fuckin idiot.” So I get out his car and hopped into mine without saying much but couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and as I am getting into my car I say, “Hey! Absorb this moment, because THIS right here, is what the fuck is wrong with you!”

A day later he apologized for yelling at me and insisted he’s patient and isn’t trying to pressure me, but I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. He admitted to overanalyzing situations and dissecting them far too often. Sounds like he is the one with the issue.

For the record, this isn’t me saying “oh I think after 10 dates I will sleep with him.” I just felt I wanted to get to know him better, and what the f? It’s not my fault you have no game.

I can now say I have officially experienced this first hand…PUT OUT OR GET OUT!

I guess sometimes there is miscommunication…it happens. I have gotten the advice from both sides, to give it another chance and from others to just let it go…but a few things put me over the edge…even though I tried to look past these things…I just can’t….forgive me but I just can’t.

I don’t have a problem with the following phrases but I have a problem with the OVER-USE of them: “Gnarly”, “Dag nabbit”, “Pickled” (In place of drunk), “stoked”, “jonesin”, and calling me a “twerp”. And if that’s not a big deal, this should raise a red flag…saying things like “I have used coke, and but now only once or twice a year maybe.” (or have I not been dating enough that this is normal conversation for people?)

And guys if a lady invites you over and you are feeling comfortable with her great but still, don’t ever, EVER put your feet on her brand new coffee table….EVER.

Tips:

*Guys please refrain from asking a girl why she hasn’t given it up after date #3. She may have been thinking about doing it and now any chance of getting it…is gone…yeah do you see it floating away from you? It proves two things: 1, you really do have no patience and 2: you have NO GAME. A guy with game doesn’t have to ask why she’s not sleeping with him. It will happen when it’s right and naturally, not forced.

Oh well, back to the drawing board ;)

Still single,

-Lo

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.8

2008-06-10T03:34:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 8

"Do a Pole Dance for me Catalina"

"Don Juan" and I went on our first date….and well, I'm not sure what to think…..

And so it begins…..the first date….

He says our date will be a "surprise" which is nice because I LOOOOOOOOOOVE SURPRISES
He just tells me to wear a cocktail dress if I have one…I did so I wore it!
He had suggested I meet him at his place and I thought that was a good idea because I wasn't ready for him to know where I lived yet (please keep this in mind for later)…hey I don't know this guy and I also thought, if I'm having a bad time, I don't have to wait for him to bring me home.

So I get to his place and am trying to find parking by his house; I call him. He says that I could either A, pull up to his building and he would hop in my car, lead me to his parking garage, I could park, and then we would take his car on our date or I could B. drive us. I of course chose A…I'm in a dress and heels and hey, he invited me so I thought that was a no brainer. He hops in my car and says "Wow, would you mind driving us, you have a much nicer car than I do." Well what was I supposed to say at that point but "ok, I guess." He continued with "I drive a Mitsubishi Montero Sport and it's filthy, this is much more fitting."

**Guys, if you ask a lady out on a date, YOU DRIVE. I was all dressed up in heels and a dress, and he's going to have me drive us on the date HE invited me on?! No, No!.**
He said his car was filthy. I don't care what you are driving, if you invite the girl, get your shit washed, and drive her! If you're dating that's different or even if it's more of a casual meeting for coffee or something maybe, but not a formal date, because guess what, if I invited you on a formal date….I would be picking YOU up!**

Well really in my mind, the guy had come off as such a "ladies man" and that he knew EXACTLY how to treat a lady…I didn't expect that from him….but whatever.

So I drive us to the "surprise location" and we pull up to Anthology. If you haven't checked it out, you should FOR SHOOOO www.anthologysd.com.
Turns out they have concerts there. That night they had the French group "Les Nubians". It was jazz in French so I couldn't understand most of it…but it was sexy…really really sexy! The food was really good too. Well, with that said, I quickly forgot about the whole driving thing. All I wanted to do was enjoy his company, the music and the food….It was a lot of fun, we danced, laughed and we were getting to know eachother.

The concert ended and we are heading out….we run into a friend of his, and he introduces me…. "This is Catalina"
WHAT THE F!? I shook his friends hand and quickly corrected him, "actually it's Lorena"……my nervous humor came out and I just played it off but I was embarrassed….needless to say so was he. I just decided to be funny as to act like it wasn't a big deal but really come on! I was beginning to think he wasn't quite the ladies man; not as smooth as he came off to be that's for sure! As we were walking out, he says, "I swear I don't know where that came from, I don't even know a Catalina" I just said "honest mistake it's fine…."
I didn't get to bent out of shape because to his credit, he has never called me by my name other than when he met me….He usually calls me "Mamita," or "Princesa" which for those who don't know, are Spanish come ons like "baby" which I don't think anyone should be saying unless you are dating…..super corny and I told him (playfully of course) "do girls you just met actually like that?"

He invites me back to his house for some coffee. I wasn't going to stay long so I said ok. We get in to his place and lo and behold! A STRIPPER POLE smack dab in the middle of his living room …Oh dear Jesus!
I didn't know what to say…..I had never seen a stripper pole in someone's home before….heard of it though lol.
He swore it wasn't his. He was renting the condo, he just moved in and it was the owners. He said he actually thought it was a fireman's pole…hmmmm really, I mean really!?? He tried to get me to dance on it… I wasn't having it…

Moving on….

We begin some small talk and then he does it…he opened the EX-FILE….and this all started when he kept probing about my relationship status…I didn't divulge much…so he decided to instead. He said he just got out of a 6 year relationship in February….**** WARNING, WARNING, REBOUND ZONE**** This didn't need to be brought up I mean really, I just wanted to get to know him…not about his practically previous marriage….because now instead of just focusing on him…all I can think about is "REBOUND, REBOUND, REBOUND"

He had also mentioned something to the effect of me being his next girlfriend which added to the whole REBOUND warning. He went on to say that he was confident that this was going to lead somewhere. My mind began racing….I thought "ok, now to make a quick get away..hmm, if I take the firemans pole I can make a quick exit….oh yeah except it wasn't a firemans pole, and it didn't lead anywhere except from the ceiling to the floor (as a stripper pole would of course!) so that wasn't going to work!

*Guys, be careful because girls can be scared off too sometimes. If it's too much too soon, it's a turn off and it will end quicker than anything even had a chance to begin. You don't want to over crowd with questions like, "when are we seeing eachother again?, why are you so busy?, why cant we move in together after only a week (all symptoms of whiney cry baby syndrome better known as BITCHASSNESS!) **BEWARE, THIS DISEASE IS RUNNING RAMPID IN OUR STREETS!** …no seriously I think most of my friends have been exposed! Time to QUARANTINE before it spreads!

I digress....

I responded to the girlfriend conversation and just put it out there, I said I wanted to take things easy…I am in no rush and I would really like to keep it casual for a while and really get to know someone before it goes anywhere else…. He said he was fine with that.

It was getting late and I was getting ready to go…he puts on his "macho" (as I like to call it) and says, "Hey well if you should happen to think of me this weekend, feel free to call or text and I will do the same….maybe"
Wow, "maybe?" ok, so he's playing cocky now….

Well I went home and didn't really know what to think except that hey I hope he's cool with us just hanging out for a while before we get married LOL LOL!
Well the next day all of that talk of him being ok with us keeping it casual for a while went out the window….He called me and wanted to see me that night and how he couldn't stop thinking about me….(Didn't I just see you?) Lol!

I told him I had some appointments that evening and I would call after and if he wasn't busy maybe could meet at a coffee shop or something. Then again…he brings out the cocky guy "well if you don't reserve time with me now, I may not be available for you later" (WHAT?)
So I responded with, "ok, let's just shoot for no then" I am assuming he was expecting me to be all "oh gosh no well I don't want that, can we please pretty please see eachother again right now!"… I didn't see him that night or that weekend.

"DON'T EVER LEAVE ME BECAUSE I'LL FIND YOU"

He wanted to see me that Sunday but I told him I had plans. He calls me Sunday night. He asked me if I had just walked home….which was odd to begin with…I said "No".
Him: "Well I'm not one to be in your business but I'm just asking because I just left a gift on your doorstep."
**keep in mind…I never told this guy where I lived**
Me: "How did you find out where I lived?"
Him: "Well I'm resourceful, and I mean I would never just show up at your house randomly but I was just thinking of you and wanted to give you a gift."
I went to the door and opened it to find a plant (orchids) and a card. I was taken back. It was very sweet but I didn't know if I should be flattered or scared.
So I just thanked him and said it was a very thoughtful and sweet gift. He did say not to look to much into it..."it's just a gift"although the card that came with it said "take care of this as you would hopefully one day take care of us."

After much thought and advice from friends, I thought I should just enjoy my gift, I deserve it right!?? and as my friend Liliana so eloquently put it "Enjoy it Lori because I mean come on, how many guys are doing that for you? and who knows how long it will be before a guys does that for you again."

She had a point, but I got to thinking…..if the shoe was on the other foot and a girl found out where a guy lived and delivered a gift, I'm wondering if the over all response would be "psycho biaaatch!"

Some of my friends thought it was a bit stalkerish but if he really gets that I would really like to take it easy….it's a nice gesture

So the guy likes me what's wrong with that and I mean really…what's not to like?? LOL LOL!

I am just going to relax, have fun, and not read too much into anything...
we shall see....

Now some refreshers:

*Again guys and girls alike, first date conversation should just be about getting to know eachother….no talk of relationships or why you are single or why they are single….conversation should be kept light and fun! As I have stated in previous blogs, I know we use the "relationship status" as filler but that just sets the precedence of what you are looking for instead of just truly getting to know eachother….and if too much is said too soon, a girl or guy may be turned off as opposed to getting to know you first. If you let them get to know you first, when the baggage is revealed, they may be more willing to look over it, because hey everyone has their issues, it's just a matter of getting to know if you like the person enough to get past it….and I doubt you can figure that out on the first date*

-You may be thinking…well it's better to know up front so you don't waste your time…well here's what, everyone puts their best foot forward on the first date and if the "ex-file" is opened too soon, there's a chance they will say whatever they have to say to put themselves in the best light. We all do it. No one is going to talk about the anger issues or jealousy issues they had with their ex without making it look like it wasn't their fault….

So remember….keep it light, fun, TAKE IT EASY, relax, and just enjoy it for what it is…nothing more.

Happy Dating Everyone! :)

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.7

2008-06-10T03:29:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH. 6

2008-06-10T03:26:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 6

"SPRING FEVER"

A friend of mine and I actually had a WTF moment the other day when we ran into some old flames that we hadn't seen in forever…..ON THE SAME DAY NO LESS!.. For the rest of the day, I think we both sat on my couch trying to figure out what had happened….all of these old feelings came back…and all of these questions came about.

We both had to slap the shit out of each other to bring eachother back to reality….
"NO BITCHASSNESS!"

My friend asked, "What is going on, was it a full moon recently or something?" I didn't know what was going on but I had to find out. I called a friend and she quickly said, "Umm yeah duh, Spring Fever"

"Spring Whutta?"

So she explained it to me…and well I wasn't satisfied so I Googled it.
YES…It made sense!

Have you stopped to look around you?? Have you noticed that people are coming out of the woodwork like you wouldn't believe???

Even you too, maybe have sent a drunken text message, emailed or called someone that you haven't spoken to in a while?

Ladies, A "Hey beautiful, how are you?" Oh yeah, and they usually end it with "it's been a while" SOUND FAMILIAR?

I'm telling you, All of a sudden…they come sniffin' around like I'm an open can of Puppy Chow!

IT'S THIS WEATHER!

Check this out! This article actually explains Spring Fever….we all go through it to a certain degree….you might notice that your dating calendar is a little busier than usual right now…

Now some of you may think it's a myth…but I for one believe it…

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_200/210_dating_advice.html

You can attribute it to whatever you'd like, warmer weather means people get out more, the smell of blossoming flowers makes you feel romantic, either way it's affecting us. Is it just the weather or is it more instinct though? Kind of like "mating season" where even if we never stepped outside when the warm weather set in, would we still feel the pull to go out and find a mate?

Well folks, bottom line, it smells like love is in the air or so people think, and do with it what you will but just remember….NO BITCHASSNESS for fucks sake!

And watch as it starts to get cold again…see how many people have their "person" and go into hibernation lol!

Have you noticed a difference in behavior in men around you?
Gentlemen, how about the ladies around you???

Take a second and think? Maybe not to date them again but possibly just reconnect? I have looked back and there have been a few small reconnections with my past, innocent and brief but still…

Wow, think about it…deep down, we really are just animals huh?

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.5

2008-06-10T03:11:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date...lol!

I am in no way saying I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them... yes, I think I may make this a habit...

And for clarification...dating is for research... I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness." On my part anyway...

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research!..lol

Chapter 5

**TIP OF THE DAY: LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN….BEWARE OF THE "REBOUND ZONE". Trust me there are some signs, flashing lights all around, and yes, you will hear the occasional annoying buzzing sound warning you that you are entering… but sometimes you WILL NOT see them….ahhh yes, if only these signs were more obvious, maybe like the fabulous signs of the crossing immigrants on the 5 Freeway…that would save us a lot of time…

**BE ALERT AND ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK**

'DUMPED AT THE COFFEE BEAN'

WARNING- NOW ENTERING THE REBOUND ZONE!...

Ahhhh the Coffee Bean, where you can get great tasting crack in a cup, WI-FI, and on occasion, witness BITCHASSNESS in it's purest form....

I went out with this guy a few times and we were having fun, getting to know each other. This was only going on for about 3 weeks. Things were going fine, he called a lot but I didn't mind; we had good conversation. I thought I made it clear that I wanted us to be friends for a while but maybe not clear enough? I thought we were doing pretty well on conversation over that short period of time and I really wasn't interested in hearing about the ex yet but he offered the information…looking back, he obviously needed to vent…whatever. I didn't mind hearing about it because we were just hanging out.

**POSSIBLE SIGNS OF A RECENT BREAK UP…CLINGINESS, A WANT TO TALK OF THE EX OFTEN , AND COMPARING YOU TO THE EX (THIS IS POSSIBLY TO MASK FEELINGS THEY STILL HAVE FOR THE EX)

After only going out on a few dates, I get a call on a Wednesday morning. "Lori I need to talk to you, can you meet me at the Coffee Bean in like an hour?"

So I show up…and he sits me down…

Him: "Hey, well you know that girl I was seeing?"

Me: "Yeah"

Him: "Well she called me the other day to catch up and well, we started talking. When I told her I was hanging out with you, she didn't like that and now she wants to get back together. I think I want to give it a chance and I can't see you anymore."

I was a bit dumbfounded and hadn't considered us dating really but now I was being dumped…my pride stepped in…..uh-oh. Was this necessary? I wouldn't have thought twice if he backed away slowly but now…now, I'm feeling dumped and What the F!, now I'm pissed!

Me: "Let me get this straight, you're dumping me right now?"

Me: "Well you Sir, are a PUNK B*TCH!!...no offense." LOL…I didn't really say that.

"No, no you're right, we didn't establish anything and well, you have to do what's best for you I guess." (and believe me, I wasn't going to chain him to the chair to get him to keep hanging out with me..he made his choice, it wasn't wise but it's not my fault he's retarded)

We gave the obligatory hug and parted ways.

So I walked back home, as it's only across the street from my house and called my girlfriend….immediately.

Me: "Dude, you won't believe what just happened, " Juan de Leon" just dumped me….at the Coffee Bean!"

Her: "What? Are you serious?"

Me: "Yeah, I didn't even know we were dating, I'm pissed….I think? Or wait….I don't know how to process what the f*ck just happened."
(silence)….then, A BURST OF LAUGHTER FROM BOTH OF US!

We laughed for a bit and I felt better in no time…thank God for girlfriends! J

Now, I have a sort of love /hate relationship with the Coffee Bean…good times….
------------------

Well if you can believe it, it kind of happened again. A friend was setting me up with a friend of hers. I knew him but not that well. I had heard he was going to ask me out but he hadn't called. A week passed, two weeks passed and then I got a call. He actually left it on a voicemail…

He called to explain to me that a friend of his had liked him for a while (of this I was made briefly aware of but he said he had no intention of dating her) and again, when he explained to her that he was dating….she didn't like it and made her move….and well, he decided to go with it!

"So basically, I'm calling to tell you I won't be asking you out.
I really wanted to too, this sucks! But hey, if this doesn't work out with her, can I call you?"

WOW!!!

Oh, gosh really!? Can I be the lucky second!? Well I will be waiting by the phone for you ok…holding my breath in fact!

*Guys, I think you might think a call is courteous, but it's not necessary if you haven't asked her out on a first date yet! There really is no way to look like "the good guy" in this situation….trust me, just don't call.

And I must say..I must be good luck or something because as soon as these guys mention they are going to go out with me..they get what they want back….which is obviously saying I was the tool they intended on using to get the girls they REALLY wanted in the first place. They swear that's not the case and that it was not on purpose but come on…you can't fight it…the heart wants what it wants and you sometimes need someone to get your mind off what you really want; kind of fill the void in the meantime….and ladies let's face it, we can't be "THE GIRL" for every guy right?

And I mean hey, if I can help someone out LOL LOL …

After it happened the second time, I started to think to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I am just looking to hang out with some good people and I'm already getting dumped before I even decide if I want a relationship!

I had to do some self-evaluation. I must have been attracting these guys, afterall, the common denominator was ME! For a second I wanted to be down on myself, "What, am I not pretty enough, not smart enough, WTF!??" We all have done it I'm sure…come on ladies..you have. As long as you don't let it ruin your life lol, you're fine…but it's all natural for us to go through these thoughts…briefly :)

So maybe these guys are just making this stuff up, maybe they just don't want to go out with me and they don't want to hurt my feelings...

**DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY LADIES, or guys alike..don't beat yourself up..It really isn't about you, the only thing you can do is follow your feelings and learn the lessons that come with that.

I know you can't always know what you are getting into even if you are just friends first but, it really is nice to try and get to know someone first. If you then decide you want to take it to the next level and begin dating, you will be better aware of whether or not you are entering the "rebound zone" and know how to deal with it accordingly.

Some of you may be thinking, well if you just ask "when was your last relationship" on the first date…you will have your questions answered. Well no, because they will swear to you up and down that they are over it…or give you the ever so CLASSIC LINE: " It was over long before I broke up with her" LOL-CLASSIC I SAY!...and again…not 1st date conversation.

Now, on occasion, I actually lend a good ear for my buddies to vent about their girlfriends (yes these women and these situations are real I assure you) .... wow, "it's not working out, I didn't see that coming at all!" teeheee…I wish them only the best-seriously. I want them happy, it's just not going to be with me…you had your chance sorry…oh and believe me, they are both well aware of this.

And yes, sometimes people deserve a second chance. I have actually been on the other side of this before and have been given a second chance….but in all honesty…a second chance is reserved for very, very special people. :)

-Ever happened to you!!????

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.4

2008-06-10T03:02:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date...lol!

I am in no way saying I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them... yes, I think I may make this a habit...

And for clarification...dating is for research... I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness." On my part anyway...

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research!..lol

Chapter 4

"Cause it's 1, 2, 3 strikes you're out"

I went on a date last week and let's just say…he put himself in the friends zone

He wanted to meet up for a drink, he picked Seau's which is a Bar and Grill for those who aren't in the know. I knew the game was on but I thought it was a good choice, we could have a few drinks, all very casual, have a few laughs and get to know eachother. I didn't expect that his love for baseball would really over power our meet up.

*Guys, do not take a girl to Seau's to watch the base ball game on the first date. I am all for the game but …when she is talking to you, you need to be looking her in the eyes not looking at the TV yelling- "double play!"

*When engaging in conversation, do not do all the talking…ask her questions and don't try to initiate more conversation with "so what else would you like to know about me?", after you just spent the last hour talking about yourself and not asking her anything in return.

*I love kids but I don't find it necessary to bring out the pics of your kids on the first date. I understand proud Papas everywhere want to do this but please, on the first date…hold back unless she asks you to see them. Why you ask? Because you don't know how she is going to react and not every woman is going to respond with "oh how cute, when can I meet them"

*When the bill comes guys, you pay for it. Do not let the girl pay. THIS IS OUT OF COURTESY. Now I know some of you are thinking, in this dating age, it should be equal…but fellas, ladies like to be treated as ladies..you invited her, you pay the bill…if she throws out her card, do not take it. Of course should she call you up one day and say "I'm taking you out, I'm paying", or should the dating lead to a relationship, by all means, you can go back and forth. But the first date typically-YOU PAY.

I took my card out, expected him to decline to take it…but he took my card…..so speaking in terms he would understand "can you say strike 3 buddy?"

Guys, the first date should just be about getting to know each other, your likes and dislikes, hobbies, goals etc. There should be no emotional back drop to your life and baby mama drama either. All the talk of the "ex" and how she "screwed you over, but you still have love for her" is not necessary. Talk of any ex isn't necessary...period. I know sometimes we use this as filler but we should try and be more original...the "how long has it been since your last relationship" convo can wait as well.

Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression….make it good. No pressure, no talk of marriage and kids on the first date...please- buy the girl a drink first jeez! lol.

"Matt Holiday" wants a second date…of course he does, he just got a free therapy session and free beer! But I kindly declined and said, " I'm sorry, I'm on a budget"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.3

2008-06-10T02:35:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.2

2008-06-10T02:25:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.1

2008-06-10T02:07:00.000-07:00

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness".

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

CHAPTER 1

"You Have No Integrity!"

This one's about a year old and a lot of my friends have heard it but I find I still get the "What the f*&k? Are you serious" reaction, which always makes me laugh.

I went out with what I thought was a nice guy….funny, good conversation, just all around seemed like someone I would like to get to know. We were enjoying ourselves; closing the restaurant down!

He had explained that he was part of some mentoring group, kind of like a life coach and I thought that was awesome. He had even mentioned that it would be cool if I checked it out. I was intrigued. He spoke a lot of this group and I was thinking "nice guy, cool."

He seemed super sweet and he must have felt comfortable with me because he felt like sharing a personal story with me. I forget now, but he had some financial stint in his past and was explaining how he got past it. Well since he was sharing, I did the same. I explained how my Dog of 13 years had been sick and how so much money was spent on his medications to keep him healthy but he ultimately passed away.

Well as soon as I got into the story, he ended it…this guy went from sweet guy to asshole in about 0.3 seconds. He stopped smiling, and got this super serious look on his face. He said, "that's no integrity". I literally had to do a double take because I couldn't believe that this was coming from this guy I just spent 3 hours talking up a storm with. I said, "I'm sorry?" He says, "You're telling me, you spent all that money on a dog!? We need to discuss this, this is unacceptable."

Well my dog had just passed away a couple of months ago, and I tried so hard to fight it but I began tearing up and he just keeps going, "blah blah blah, you should never spend your money that way" I asked him to stop because he was making me cry. I was not only embarrassed but super upset..and he kept going! I just got up and walked out, he followed. I couldn't manage to get the words out. I wanted to say a lot of things but I just got in my car.

I recapped this date for a friend of mine and her husband. When I got to the part about him telling me I have no integrity, the husband who is usually very mellow and never gets upset, turns red and says to me " don't get involved with that guy, the group he's a part of is like a cult, this guy is totally brainwashed!" I was shocked….he said his old company tried to make him go to one of their seminars and he walked out. It made sense to me because of all things to say he said I had no integrity, which I feel doing what I did for my dog was quite the opposite! My friends husband said this group uses that word often to break it's members down and then fill them with the things they want them to learn. They both said it was like Snoop was with me that night and saved me from considering this guy my friend
:-D

He called, several times, and didn't seem to get that I was not going to see him again. He actually said, " I think we hit it off really well and I would love to see you again." HELLLOOO! DID YOU NOT JUST SEE ME BALL MY EYES OUT F*CKER!?

I guess he didn't like that I didn't call him back so he sent me an email…I wanted to reply with:

"The next time I see you, I am going to kick your balls into your throat.
Fuck your face,
-Lori"

Instead, being the lady that I am ;), I responded with, "No, I will not be going out with you again. I shared a very personal story with you as you did with me and you criticized me. In the future when a lady is sharing something like that with you, do not judge or criticize…doing so will not get you second date."

He got the hint.

** Guys and girls alike, you may not always agree with what a person is doing, but it doesn't give you the right to judge or criticize, especially on the first date…leave that to when you are in a relationship. LOL LOL!

Although this date goes down in my dating diary as one of THEEEEEEEE worst, I must say, I love that I have this story to tell my friends because now it just makes me laugh…and well, we could always use a good laugh right!.....besides, the good dates aren't as fun to write about! ;)

NO BITCHASSNESS!

2008-06-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

My friend Lili and I were talking about one of our friends that just got engaged and we began going down the list of our friends who are getting married, have gotten married, or are in these serious relationships where we don’t see them anymore aka..."SELLING OUT"

Well we went down the list and alot of our friends are performing this disgusting action or as Diddy would put it..."Have caught a serious case of Bitchassness" and when we thought about it, it’s like her and I are one of the last ones left who haven’t sold out...so we made an agreement….literally, a contract. We each came up with our own versions and presented them to each other....I thought mine was only fair as it had a time limit and figured that if we both had someone we were happy with, we could prevent eachother from this horrible disease and keep eachother on track but alas, she informed there is no cure for this and even if we both had significant others...we would be too vulnerable and catch this disease.She has my best interest in mind so I’m signing her version!

Here is mine.

I Lorena M. Lopez and Liliana Cruz agree to remain single until the other has found an equal amount of happiness in a partner. If one is unhappy, the other is forbidden to commit to their partner. Commitment is defined as: too many evenings alone with one boy, discussing of "love" for a boy, performing duties of that of a future wife or girlfriend i.e. Cleaning for them, cooking for them, missing out on important functions for them (vegging out at said parties houses), or anything else that would constitute Bitchassness or selling out. Lori and Lili are sole property of each other and said parties will remain so until written consent of both parties stating the release of each other and all liabilities.

(For complete definiton of Selling out please refer to paragraph 14a).

X______________X_________________

Here is hers…

It is understood by both parties herein. lorena lopez and liliana cruz that no selling out will occur in this life time nor the next. Under the condition that parties named herein satisfy the following: Going down, fabulous dates, and occational dibble dabble of the opposite sex. Parties acknowledge, and are bound by such agreement now and until eternity.Failing to comply with such agreement will cause the offender to be thrown of the San Francisco Bridge

X____________ X_________________________

She quickly felt the need to correct me as mine had a time limit, she said, "NO BITCH...THIS IS FOREVER!"

LOL LOL...no but seriously to our friends who are in committed relationships, engaged, or married, we are happy for you....I guess.-Lori and Lili :)